Darkness...

Today...I do not understand this feeling today. Just a few days ago I was feeling so euphoric for no obvious reason. And now...today it seems I have burnt myself out. I looked at the clock an hour ago; I was at the same page of this course book that I am trying to read. The exam won’t go well, but I cannot even concentrate enough to feel guilt over that. I just feel hollow.

Maybe I've been dreaming too much; visualizing life for all it could be. Heaven; that thing men crave for, it seems so dull compared to the possibilities of this universe. Eternity just depresses me; I don’t feel I want to live forever. The ending...that is the most beautiful part of a story.

I am young, yet I feel like it’s already too late. I feel like I've missed out. I will just go on along this path...along this slipstream of all the hollow souls that have passed through this world...worthless. Is it all my fault? But all that I fantasize about; it was almost impossible for me to achieve…this era, these people, this body, this...fate. The die is cast now.

I do not seek knowledge, I do not just seek pleasure...I do not understand exactly what I seek; but it is some kind of wholeness...before I die; so the afterlife won’t matter one way or the other. But I feel so empty…so far away from anything I want to be...my memories so far from being those that could make a man content in death...

Comments

Albatross said…
hmph...ya u've been dreaming too much :P
Mon Sep 26, 05:12:00 PM GMT+8
Nabeel said…
in the middle of the perfect dream if you realize it is not reality do you wake up? i like to dream on...

dreams and fantasies are a mercy and a curse; they let us taste that which we crave, but then they fade away...

yesterday they all left me and i felt so alone in this strange world.

i need a personal muse or something.
Mon Sep 26, 09:30:00 PM GMT+8
Albatross said…
yes...but a fantasy will be a fantasy always..darkness will surround you when you wake up..and there's nothing you can do about it..u may keep on dreaming and fantasizing if u want...but that will only provide temporary pleasure to the mind...when u wake up, it's the same old crappy thing again..better get used to it
Tue Sep 27, 07:25:00 PM GMT+8
Waqas Tahir said…
Perverts. Intro-pervertes. Homo-Perverts. Lonely, sick, depressed. I feel sorry for u guys.
Wed Sep 28, 10:58:00 AM GMT+8
Nabeel said…
feel sorry for thyself; thou art the one missing out...reality freak!

introverts aren't perverts, even homosexuals aren't anymore i suppose. and stop referring to homos on my site anyway. and loneliness and depression aren't something to pity someone over. you might just find yourself in darkness someday.
Wed Sep 28, 01:40:00 PM GMT+8
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