A Vision

I have dreamt every night for at least a year. The dreams are vaguely recalled, rarely feel significant, and never seem worth the attempt to decipher meaning. But three nights ago I had a dream of a different nature. I waited to see if I would forget the experience, but it has left a deeper imprint.

The dream had that noetic quality described by William James; I had the sense of bearing witness to a significant insight. And yet the ineffability of the experience, also described by James, makes it hard to put the vision into words. But I still feel compelled to try.

I dreamt of a mandala. Fractal patterns of diamonds and flowers, intertwined in exquisite form, converging on a bright center. White against black. It seemed vast, but there was nothing to compare it to other than the immense darkness that seemed to surround it.

I was there in first person; just a presence without a body. The centre of the circle was pulling me in with irresistible force. It felt like impending doom; my death or the end of all creation. I was being pulled apart; my mind warped by the gravity of this object/entity. There was a madness to it; a delirious combination of the fear of dying and the joy of a new beginning. For I knew with certainty that if the darkness was nothingness and the mandala was something, falling into the latter was transformation, not extinction.

I awoke with the vision and emotions still in my mind. I was out of my bed before I knew it. The surrounding darkness seemed deep and impenetrable, but I was looking at the sliver of light from the partially open bedroom door. It was a portal to freedom, and as I opened it and stepped out I felt with some relief that I had returned from the numinous to the familiarity of life.

 

_{Image from www.wallpaperaccess.com}