Worlds don’t revolve around stars…

Each individual of our species understands one concept unlike no other; the concept of their ‘self’. We can perceive our experiences only in relation to this self. And most of us don’t try to look past the petty, self centered little world that our perceptions build up.

In my case it is not narrow perceptions that make my world self centered; my world literally does revolve around me. I wake up alone, I eat alone. I spend days without saying more than a few words, sitting in a room with a door no one knocks on in months.

I don’t like it this way. In fact it gnaws on my nerves so that when someone I find interesting does happen to walk into my world, the refreshing scent that they bring into it collapses my senses into a singular desire that threatens to degenerate into obsession.

Perhaps what I want from a relationship is a bit too much to ask unless fate and time themselves are agreeable in fulfilling it. But desire never does listen to reason or prudence. When the inanities and gaucheness spawned by my solitary confinement are coupled with the perceptions of the subject of my attentions, according to their self centric world, we get a formula for mishap.

There have been several such mishaps, some stemming form flaws in my character, some from the other’s, and some simply from egoistic perceptions. Each time I’ve learnt and been affected by the mistakes. This time I realized I should stop looking for moons to orbit my world. I should seek the star that my world will revolve around.

It’s a daunting task to find that star in the emptiness of space where my world exists. For now I’ll leave it to time and fate. I bought a new friend today anyway; a now half empty bottle of wine.