Thoughts Arise

Each individual of our species understands one concept unlike no other; the concept of their ‘self’. We can perceive our experiences only in relation to this self. And most of us don’t try to look past the petty, self centered little world that our perceptions build up. In my case it is not narrow perceptions that make my world self centered; my world literally does revolve around me. I wake up alone, I eat alone. I spend days without saying more than a few words, sitting in a room with a door no one knocks on in months. I don’t like it this way. In fact it gnaws on my nerves so that when someone I find interesting does happen to walk into my world, the refreshing scent that they bring into it collapses my senses into a singular desire that threatens to degenerate into obsession. Perhaps what I want from a relationship is a bit too much to ask unless fate and time themselves are agreeable in fulfilling it. But desire never does listen to reason or prudence. When the inaniti...

I meet someone new. I know this person does not know of anything or anyone from my past. I look at the person and find her interesting; sufficiently pleasant to overcome the prejudices that dictate my behavior. I admit; for me the first impression of a person is solely their looks. We are both in a place with unfamiliar people and so I initiate the process that aims to form friends from strangers. I find my interest reciprocated; the reason however is unknown to me. I seek her companionship; partially from interest in the person she is, and partly to satisfy the desire to engrave an expression of my self upon her. I hope the reasons for her amicable response also include, at least some part, of the former of my reasons; an interest in knowing me. Actions speak better than words, but our situation only gives us the device of words. And so through words we set out to understand each other; whether through the desire to do so, or through the unconscious process of our minds that paints up...